I had to learn turkey psychology to fight off a gang of toms who had claimed my rural property as their turf.

Luckily, turkey psychology is easy - if the tom perceives you as a manly turkey, you're another tom, and we need to fight to establish who is the bigger turkey. If you're perceived as a lady turkey, you're a potential date, so I'm going to inflate my gross head penis (aka snood) at you to impress you.

So all I had to do was whack them in the wings with a putter when they tried to hit me with them, until they admitted I was indeed the biggest turkey.

Although they still kept showing their obscene snood to my wife for a bit, until I convinced them that she was my lady turkey, and off limits.